Why co-founders are hard to keep

So you made it and found your best match of co-founders. Seems like the hard part has been through. But it is not. It’s just the beginning of a series of hardships.

I had a few endeavors during this short life of mine. Luckily, a couple lasted for almost a decade but also some faded in a few months. My only experience solo was as a consultant. On every venture of mine, I always had other people by my side.¹ Building something alone is not only hard, but it also gets worse. If you fail, your road ends there. But if you manage to succeed. The challenge only gest more and more complicated, requiring talents than you probably don’t (or can’t) have on your own. That’s why — even though it’s against some entrepreneurial wisdom — having one or two more heads is a common trend during my life.

But having someone to share the hardships of building a business is not easy. Not surprisingly, relationship issues among co-founder are amongst the major causes of death to young (and sometimes older) companies. Having committed some mistakes myself, gathering tales from many friends, I compiled some hints that have helped me getting through.

First, keep in mind that having a co-founder is not just about distributing shares and profits [also losses], it’s about sharing everything.² It includes the company, vision, culture, values, how things should and shouldn’t be done. It’s a ‘business marriage” where things get more complicated as you increase the number of people in the equation — be them, other co-founders or team members. So if you are not ready for sharing the decisions along the way, a co-founder is not your best call. Consider going solo.

If you are not ready for sharing the decisions along the way, a co-founder is not your best call. Consider going solo.

Second, remember that these are people you need to trust. Otherwise, it will be very hard to accept their points of view on the many times you’ll diverge. Trust is what will enable you to know that you are all interested in going forward. With so many things involved, it still amazes me that people think they will be able to find this person on a corner, bar or a meetup (the business equivalent to speed dating). More than that, using this kind of strategy to find a co-founder is like skipping dating and going straight to marriage. So, look for co-founders you already have a long-lasting relationship and trust.

Look for co-founders you already have a long-lasting relationship and trust

The success rate of companies that begin from such short-lived relationships is very low. Just like a couple that starts living together for the first time, conflicts don’t come from the things at the surface, but from things that are much more ingrained on the way we think. Things related to our habits and the small decisions of every day. Discussing principles and value alignment, it’s already a hard topic — especially because people usually confuse what is aspirational with their real core values and principles. So, it’s key to very early on aligning your principles and vision among co-founders. If you can get a professional to help, great. If not, just gather everyone together for an afternoon or a day, and come up with what’s important for each one. Whan can be flexible and what cannot. More than that, it’s on the small decisions and challenges where these principles show up. Also, that’s where friction starts to build up and most of the breakups happen. A good alignment can minimize most of the issues, ensuring that what guides decisions is mostly agreed among founders.

It’s key to very early on aligning your principles and vision among co-founder

Note that I said “mostly”. Friction is inevitable and the only way to solve it without making things worse is by talking. A real conversation, where people discuss issues and principles behind them (not feelings and guesses) is the only way to keep things on track. Co-founders have to constantly talk freely and truly about what is happening. Making these alignments a common thing helps to prevent two big issues. First, to let problems be left out unresolved because founders want to avoid the friction of the discussion. Second, to let small issues build up until they become a huge bomb. When you do this kind of thing constantly, you can avoid big troubles ahead. Currently, what helps the most for me on this topic is to have a daily discussion about “what’s troubling” on the mind of each founder.

Co-founders have to constantly talk freely and truly about what is happening

Remember that you are having a relationship with these people. Other mechanisms can be needed to nurture what you have according to what kind of relationship you want to keep. For example, I always had a friendship relationship with my co-founders, but as the company progresses it’s easy to let friendship mingle. So, I usually force myself to meet my co-founders to do non-work-related stuff at least once a month. This helps to keep this other part still alive and kicking.

In the end, remember that you’ve chosen a hard path. Be wise on your party choice, but also be kind of those that chosen to share the path along with you.

¹ My previous number of partners ranged from 1 to 5. Currently, I have the two best co-founders I could have for my current adventure.

² If you have equity but do not have a saying, you’re just a shareholder, not a co-founder.